LDCE FAIL!

As an ASO from the godforsaken 2014 batch, I have successfully failed to clear LDCE 2019-20 as well as LDCE 2021-22. With a bright chance of having failed in LDCE-2023 as well (unable to check my results as I have misplaced my hall ticket), these are the thoughts that helped me to come to terms with my failures: 

• It's ok to fail. The exams were held under extraordinary circumstances - short notification period, hardly any vacancies, exams of various years held over a period of weeks. Even otherwise, these exams are designed in such a  way that a large number of equally competent candidates compete for a very limited number of vacancies. It was inevitable that most of us would fail! This failure is in no way a reflection of your intelligence or competence. Move on.

• Promotions don’t deliver eternal bliss. A SO in my Ministry (presently awaiting US promotion) is blessed with everything that has eluded us - coverage under the old pension scheme and timely promotion. Surprisingly, he is just as disappointed and frustrated with his job and life as most of us are. Once the novelty of the promotion/ monetary benefit wears off, the level of happiness tends to revert to a standard baseline. Alternatively, in an industry where promotions are far and few in between, a life that's dependent on promotions to deliver happiness is a recipe for prolonged misery. Celebrate every MACP, every increment, every DA hike, every salary, every transfer and also everything in between!

• In a life so short and uncertain, our obsession with whether we would retire as a Deputy Secretary or Under Secretary is ironic. If at all worry, worry over - 

- Whether you would even live long enough to retire

- The futility of a life spent fretting over trivialities like job titles   

• What hurts more than the failure is having to tolerate superiors blow their own trumpets under the garb of ‘well meaning’ advice. But then, these are people who have watched technology and time pass them by and their detailed narratives on how they cleared these exams is just a feeble attempt by them to salvage their dignity. Indulge them, if not out of sympathy, then with the knowledge that it won’t be long before we end up in a similar situation. 

• By default, our self esteem is associated with our career progression and pay check, as these are visibly quantifiable. We believe that our self worth is determined by the number of subordinates reporting to us and the number of zeros in our paycheck. But we are more likely to gain respect and admiration from others through kindness and humility than through subordination and ostentatiousness. (Credits: Morgan Housel’s ‘Psychology of Money’).  

• Failure shatters long held identities and liberates you from societal expectations. Now that you have failed spectacularly, you are no more under an obligation to live up to the identity of an academic topper with a perfect score. Sideline your career and indulge in activities that had been long put off due to fear of failure - write a blog, start a you tube channel, become a travel vlogger. You can’t fail any worse and end of the day, no one really cares! 

• When life gets overwhelming, you need a bit of philosophy to detach yourself from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, step back and laugh at the absurdity of taking life so seriously. I will leave you with a quote from Naval Ravikant that works for me every single time - 

You are going to die one day and none of this is going to matter. So enjoy yourself. Do something positive. Project some love. Make someone happy. Laugh a little bit. Appreciate the moment. And do your work.

******

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WHY IS GUILT FEMININE?

My relative’s bride seeing ceremony that was showing a lot of promise suddenly nosedived after the bridegroom’s family finally introduced what, in marital terms, is one of the biggest elephants in any room– the DIVORCED elder sister. The sister in question was working in a high paying corporate job. But that didn’t matter! And looking at the way the bridegroom’s family was ready to negotiate on most of their “demands” in this business called marriage, it was obvious that we weren’t the first family to have rejected the marriage proposal on these grounds.  While it took me around two years to even wake up to the fact that we had committed nothing short of a crime, I can still recall the justification that the ELDERS echoed: “The divorced sister would be eternally dependent on her brother and it would become an unnecessary liability. We are not taking any risks when it comes to our daughter’s life!” Such irony how one girl’s life becomes a convenient excuse for destroying another’s!

The case in point elucidates why financial independence of women doesn’t translate into - let’s call it SOCIAL INDEPENDENCE - the ability of a woman to exist in this SOCIETY without being dependent on a man. Of what use then are employment opportunities if every woman has to be still tied down socially to her closest male relationship – be it husband, brother or father? What are truckloads of money worth if it cannot buy her freedom from social slavery?

Considering that marriages are fixed on the basis of nothing more than flimsy astrological predictions and dubious hearsay, it is a miracle that most of them survive the test of time! After all, you can verify a person’s employment, horoscope, family background, assets etc but how do you verify a person’s character? End of the day, a marriage is nothing but a leap of faith and a lot of prayer! Why then, in a failed marriage, is the woman alone held responsible for something the astrologer couldn’t foretell, the parents couldn’t corroborate and most of all for a mistake she most likely didn’t commit? Considering that even the biggest blunders are redeemable and the deadliest sins forgivable, why should this mistake alone be without any scope for redemption? Given that the same predicament can befall any woman, what gives the society the nerve to hold the holier than thou attitude?

Lets for a minute walk in the shoes of the DIVORCED elder sister -  Aren’t we, as a society, ostracizing her and blaming her for something that was totally beyond her control? With every failed marriage proposal for her brother, won’t she be forced to the conclusion that she is far more useful to her family dead rather than alive and divorced? Aren’t we the ones pushing her to that brink? Thank God for small favours though - Thank God this woman had a family that was supportive enough to give her the courage to go ahead with the divorce! Think of the thousands more, who are holding on to their marriage by a whisker, just because they don’t have a supportive family to go back to or are wise enough to realise that it is far better to stay put and endure the atrocities of one rather than opt out and be subjected to the atrocities of an entire society!

Agreed, financial independence does put food on the table and helps to make ends meet, but it can never be the means to end this social stigma! Lasting societal change requires a collective change in mental perspective. That being a humongous task, let’s begin with an awareness on what needs to change - the seemingly innocuous habits and tradition that keep reiterating our long held derogatory perceptions about women:

•  Controlling your actions starts with controlling your thoughts and controlling your thoughts boils down to the words you use – your vocabulary!  Fir galti kyun sirf MERI hai?(Why then does mistake take only feminine gender?)


•  Blind obstinacy in keeping alive age old traditions such as Raksha Bandhan and Karva Chauth without realising that the anachronistic concept of female dependence that these traditions signify don’t hold water in this digital age.

I agree that this is just the tip of the iceberg, but a conscious awareness on the innumerable habits and traditions that shape our perceptions and a persistent effort to make them more meaningful ( How about a Raksha Bandhan with a mutual vow of protection? How about a Karva Chauth where the husbands fast? ) could go a long way in bringing about the much needed social independence for women.

   

P.S. By the way, if I did hurt any literary/religious sentiments, please do forgive! Galti toh MERA hai!!

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LOST IN TRANSITION

"Fruits for me" exclaimed the child as he waylaid his mother coming back from the puja room.

"Yes my dear!" replied the mother "But first you have to learn this shloka by heart. Repeat after me- Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana"

"Karmani vadhiraste..." stuttered the child.

"Ma Phaleshu Kadachana" she repeated, moving her hands in tandem with the rhythm.

"Ma Phaleshu Kadachana" he recited, his head tracing her hand movements, eyes never leaving the fruit bowl.

"Perfect!" she exclaimed placing the fruit bowl in his hands "and that is for being a good boy”

She left under the illusion that she had incorporated the essence of Bhagavad Gita in her child and he was left with the expectation that every deed bears fruit!

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NOTES FROM NORTH INDIA

"Roll No.35"

"Priyal Garg from Delhi"

"Thank You Priyaaal"

"Sir its not Priyaaal. Its actually Priyal. You know, you take Priya and add a L to it and then cut the a into half and you get Priyal"

"Insufferable extrovert" I muttered under my breath as I waited for the next Roll No. (mine) to be called. I was the only one from South India attending this training in Chandigarh and being an introvert, the last thing I wanted was to be the centre of attention on the first day of the training. However, this girl  wasn't helping matters with her animated introduction which was waking up an otherwise sleepy class.

"Roll No.36"

"Sir, Karthik from Er... Chennai"

A few heads turned and stared. I silently cursed the girl with the half 'a' in her name. The professor was too occupied with the attendance sheet in front of him to notice. I sat down as silently and as quickly as possible. Mission incognito accomplished. As the rest of the introductions finally came to a close, my worst fears were confirmed - I was the only person representing the other three parts of India, only person unaccustomed to this culture and with an insurmountable language barrier!

And thus began my sojourn in North India. These are my recollections, observations and learnings from my stay there - 

1. Within the first week, I had learnt that ego was an unaffordable luxury. With a language problem, I had to be dependent on someone or the other even to get a bar of soap from the shop across the training center.  I had to learn to lose that one thing I had prided myself in -  "Being independent". It was like being a child again and relearning everything from scratch and that meant leaning constantly on someone or the other for support.

2.  The question that was asked maximum number of times during the training - "Why choose a post which places you permanently (means till retirement!) in an alien land when you could have easily chosen a post with a home state posting?" Early on I decided that never would I let the place of posting determine my choice of post. Language I can learn. Culture I can get used to. People I can ignore. But the nature of job matters most! And I would any day give my right arm for a job that involves just writing, writing and more writing!

3.  The training itself was for a period of 2 months in Mahatma Gandhi State Institute of Public Administration (MGSIPA) under the visionary leadership of Dr.Sanjeev Chadda.  Over a career spanning 6 years, I have been in and out of four jobs and have attended numerous trainings, induction/otherwise. The trainings have usually fallen into one of these two extremes:

• One, where the training is considered to be just a formality to be done away with and where the trainers are happy enough plod through the training material and the attendees are happy enjoying a paid holiday with their brain on snooze mode. The only take away from these training sessions are the tea and the biscuits.

• The other where the training institute takes itself too seriously and is so pedantic that memos are issued at the drop of a hat (Any resemblance to any such institution in Delhi is purely coincidental. Might be slightly intentional!). We, at MGSIPA, were more worried about the quality of momos in the Sector 7C market than about being issued memos!

MGSIPA was different. I still remember the first words that Dr.Sanjeev Chadda spoke - " Make all your mistakes here so that you won't make any once you are posted". Bang on! A place that gives you the space to make mistakes and learn is the place where you grow. Dr.Sanjeev Chadda is the embodiment of the truth that if you are committed enough to make a change, you surely can! Red tapism or rigidity in a government institution is no excuse for failing to be innovative. If you are willing to go the extra mile, you can surely make a difference and it did make a difference for me! I might forget the noting and drafting that I was taught here, but the values I imbibed, I will take it to my grave!

4. I was cautioned enough about living in a place like Delhi where you will be lost the moment you set foot there. I was quite flippant about it having spent most of my life growing up in Chennai, a  metropolitan city in itself. I wasn't a village bumpkin after all! But unfortunately, my interconnnecting flight from Delhi to Chandigarh was from the Delhi international airport instead of the domestic one and I had to spend the night there. As I entered the airport at 1.00 AM on a Saturday morning, I truly understood the meaning of "being lost in Delhi". I had never believed that something as tenuous as tonnes of steel built heavens' high could have the power to crush something as indomitable as a human spirit. Well it did!

"As part of the training, we had a trekking session. As we were climbing down, I had an unexpected rendezvous with this Roll No.35. We had a lot in common. We both had switched four jobs. We both had worked in Canara Bank previously. That got us talking. "By the way, you are Priyal right?" My bad! Shouldn't have asked that.  "Are no! Listen. You take Priya and add a L and then cut the 'a' into half" she drew a line with her right index finger on her left palm. "Must be raving mad" I thought"Why would I cut your 'a' into half? Keep it fully if you want!".

5. Too shy to initiate a conversation or to be the first one to say hi, I had few friends back home and was considered to be aloof. .Somehow out here, the language barrier helped rather than hinder. People assumed that the language barrier was the reason I was reluctant to initiate conversations and were kind enough to take the initiative. The irony is that both ways, the assumption was wrong. But atleast here it got me more friends!

6. Acceptance of something new, something different is always an issue. North Indians were like " You use your hands to eat. You don't use a spoon!" and I was like " You use both your hands to eat your roti. I was brought up with the notion that the left hand was for a solely different purpose, used only at the final stages of the digestive process!

7. The liberties people take when they know that you can't understand what they say! One month into the training, we were on a village tour. With a language barrier, I was sidelined and lost. A guy though had the temerity to say right on my face "Yeh bandha involve nahi ho payega (or whatever!). "Man" I thought "if you thought that I couldn't even understand that much of Hindi, either you are a fool or you think I am one". Not that I was any better but I ensured that my conversations over phone were always in chaste Tamil so that I could happily derogate the person standing right next to me without him having a clue.  

8. Generalisation is the crux of stereotyping! Anything I did that was slightly deviant from their sense of normality was always followed by the query " Do all South Indians .....?" Can't blame them though. Its human tendency! I used to look for distinguishing features in people and generalise it either based on their region or caste . I had almost 30 Delhiites to choose from! 15 Haryanvis! An equal number from UP. They had just a single South Indian. All my peccadilloes became South Indian stereotypes!

9.  It's surprising when you realise that even at the ripe old age of 29, you still feel as lonely as a school child on his first day at a new school and you still crave for acceptance! You search for a soul to confide in, a shoulder to lean on, a person to look upto. I was lucky enough to get many. Read about them here. Apart from them, Abhinav Pandey was the guardian angel I took refuge under and Sheersh was always my constant source of encouragement. People I will always be grateful to and without whom, my training period would have been one long nightmare!

Recently, Priyaaal started writing a blog . Guess what her first blog post was about? I could see it coming from a mile! If you didn't, you can read it here! What's in a name yo ask? Its something more than just that for her. Its a sense of identity. Its what you identify yourself with at the deepest level! What's the first thing you would tell about yourself. I identify myself with crazy! (And the craziest thing I have ever done? my own obituary!!)  From what I observed, most Delhiites identify themselves with having been born and brought up in Delhi. Therein springs up a sense of hubris, nonchalance, exclusivity! Though I could easily identify myself easily with people from other Northern States as having the same insecurities, passions, dreams and reluctance, the Delhiites were a breed apart. Their ego seemed to spring from the thought of having been born in a privileged city and by extension giving them the privilege to look down upon the people from the neighbouring States ( On whom they were dependent upon for needs even as basic as water!). Having been born in this privileged city somehow seemed to give them the thought that their life traveled in the pilot vehicles so prevalent in Delhi and they expected the commoners to leave way for their privileged souls. However, their notoriety for meanness confounded me for - 

"People are mean only when they feel threatened!" (Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, a gem of a book)

What threatens the people of Delhi? For all their chest thumping and identification with having been born in Delhi, they do seem to suffer from a unique identity crisis for no one really belongs here. All that you need to do is trace back one or two generations and the 'Delhiites' will end up in one of the neighbouring States! Therein lies a sense of insecurity in neither belonging entirely here nor there!

P.S. You can hold me guilty of stereotyping and presenting a skewed version of reality and I would readily admit to all of them. These are my personal opinions and you are free to disagree with them.

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THE UNSAID WEDDING VOWS(WOES)

BRIDEGROOM: Will you be the servant of my home & slave like a donkey while I laze around like a pig?
BRIDE: Amen

BRIDEGROOM: Will you bring enough dowry so that I can live like a King for the rest of my life even if that means your father has to file for bankruptcy?
BRIDE: Amen

BRIDEGROOM: Will you remain faithful to me under all circumstances and never expect the same from me?
BRIDE: Amen

BRIDEGROOM: Will you get kicked when I kick you and get beaten when I beat you?
BRIDE: Amen

BRIDEGROOM: Will you earn & support the family when I decide that I have earned enough?
BRIDE: Amen

BRIDEGROOM: Will you silently endure my anger, mood swings and drunkenness?
BRIDE: Amen

BRIDEGROOM: Will you forget that you had a family before marriage and remember that you don't have any self respect after marriage?
BRIDE: Amen

BRIDEGROOM: (In view of the above) I,________, take thee,______, to be my wedded Wife, for I have spoilt my life enough and need another one to spoil.
BRIDE:  I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Husband, for I have not much of a choice! I have two unmarried sisters in my family and some unwritten law in the society has ensured that I am better off rotting in hell with someone like you rather than living in heaven by myself!

Disclaimer: This is an issue that cuts across all religions. However, since the Hindu vows are in Sanskrit and I am not aware of the procedure followed in Muslim marriages, the above customised version has been used with the sole intention of highlighting the issue of "women unempowerment" and not with the intention of hurting anyone's religious faith(s).

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OUR LIFE'S A SCRATASTROPHE!

PREFACE - This post was an idea conceptualised in 2008 and the first part of it(italicized) was written 8 years ago. However for reasons unknown, the post was left incomplete. As I finally got around to completing it, I decided to leave the first part untouched, frozen in time. Technically, the same person from two different time zones with radically different viewpoints has worked on the same idea for a period of eight years. Sounds interesting eh?
   

When it comes to english movies,animation has always been the most appealing genre for me. Not only do they transport us to an unimaginable world of characters, but also equips the script with enough philosophical connotations to enlighten us in a entertaining manner. To my pleasant surprise I discovered an animated character whose every action is a fable......

Scrat the persistent acorn pursuer!

From a casual point of view,Scrat's role appears to be monotonous and repetitive -

1. Search for the acorn(Desperation)


2. Find it(Jubilation)


3. Safeguard it(Vigilance)


4. Try to crack it open(Diligence)


5. Lose it(Consternation)


6. Back to square one(Dejection)

What is it that makes this monotony so hilarious? Granted Scrat employs a host of innovative ways to pursue the acorn. But there is something more that elevates Scrat and places him among the coterie of immortals........






Something that we all can relate to......

Something that is not portrayed explicitly but is the eternal truth of life...........

The irony that try however much he might,Scrat never gets to eat the acorn!

There! I said it!

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24.04.2016

However much he tries, Scrat will never get to eat the acorn nor will the realization ever dawn on him that maybe the acorn is actually not meant for him.

On a metaphorical level, Scrat's ordeal is a reflection on our life with the acorn being the money that we run after! Our life starts with a desperate search for money, followed by a short phase of jubilation on getting our hands on it, which quickly gets replaced by the vigilant sleepless nights spent safeguarding it, ending with consternation and dejection on losing it. In repeat mode ain't that the (SC)RAT RACE after all??!! Nowhere in the process do we get to enjoy the hard earned money!! And just like Scrat, in our relentless pursuit don't we end up breaking the world into two? Take a minute to distance yourself from the race and your ordeal would seem as funny and as meaningless as Scrat's!!

Wonder what compelled Scrat to dedicate his life to this meaningless pursuit! Maybe his parents advised him that this was the best career path for his future? Or maybe the peer pressure got to him?

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THE OBITUARY OF R.KARTHIK

                When R.KARTHIK finally realised the futility of his life and decided to give it up, he was 30. What took him this long, I can only wonder! Even with the retarded mental capabilities that he was blessed with, 30 years was sure a long time for a realisation that was evident and glaring from day one. Ladies and Gentleman, we are happy to announce the death of the most useless being ever born on this earth. Considering the time and energy wasted on his life, we have decided not to waste any more on his funeral service. However his life is an exemplary example of how not to live and hence begs elucidation for the enlightenment of humanity:

                Born in an orthodox Brahmin family in  Kumbakonam, his entire life can be summed up in  a single idiom - "Going through the motions". He went to school because he was put into one, attended college because he was forced to and worked a job because he had to. Complacent enough to do that which everyone else was doing, he never pushed the envelope. His only aspiration being living within the framework of what the society termed acceptable, he never truly lived even a single day. Death was just being merciful in taking away something too pitiable to be even termed as life. Never did he aspire to find a reason for his birth for there was none to be found in the first place.
Well then, was there nothing remarkable about him? Oh there was one - Ate like a pig!He always did! But somehow his weight was never commensurate with his eating capabilities as if he was trying to apologize for being born by occupying the least possible space on earth. May his soul rot in hell and let no word ever be uttered about reincarnation. In his case even one life was one too many!!

                Writing your own obituary, that's an author's dream! Sorry folks I am not dead.. yet.And that's not a troll obituary either. If I were to die now, that's how my obituary would look provided people are given the license to be frightfully frank. I am nearing my 30th birthday. Looking back, that's a half life well wasted. Till 30, my life has been so busy bending down to societal pressures and ticking all the mandatory check boxes - school, college, job, marriage that rarely did I get a say. Its a pity that most of us live our entire lives that way.

                 30 is half time. It's high time as well. I am done with pleasing almost every remotely known bloody bugger's expectations. Enough of having wasted my life trying to live with my head held up in the society. There is a better way to live - With both middle fingers held up to the society! Now that I have died already, time to be reborn!

P.S: In case I do die having lived life the same way as the previous 30 years, do me a favor. Fulfill my death wish. Publish the above obituary in The Hindu. Have always wanted to see my name published in that prestigious newspaper(How's that for "Die trying!"?). Don't fret though. They have the cheapest obituary rates in Delhi! Read More!

REACH OUT!!!!

Landing up in Chandigarh for a two months training in MGSIPA, I grossly misestimated these two:

1. My ability to cope in a hostile environment(That was my ego overestimating my capabilities!)
2. Humanity from North Indians especially Delhiites( That was grossly underestimated considering how notorious Delhiites are for their helping tendencies.)

In such a hostile environment(with a language barrier, unbearable climate conditions and a culture that was far from Indian), the introvert in me had enough reasons to feel alienated. Keeping a more than safe distance from the aliens who might have as well been speaking Greek and Latin, lonely seemed too small a word to describe my predicament. As I stood in the corridor sipping tea and cursing myself, three ladies I didn't even know were from my training batch came up out of nowhere. "You seem to be feeling lonely. You can always come to us if you want someone to talk to" they said on introducing themselves. "I don't think I will be able to remember your faces and names" I replied honestly. "We will keep reminding you" they laughed. At that moment, something somewhere broke. Must have been that proverbial ice for I was feeling all warm inside even in the chilly weather. For the first time I felt I had been accepted as being no different from the others and the introvert in me gathered enough courage to peek out from the shell he had taken cover in. There was no looking back after that!

Makes such a huge lot of difference when you reach out to someone. Moreover it sounds so simple and easy to do right? WRONG! All that's simple is not at all easy. I will tell you what's easy though - Being part of a group that singles out individuals who are different and deriving pleasure from making fun of them. Now that's easy! We all have done it at some part of our life. What's tough then? Being singled out and made fun of just because you are different but still standing with your head held high, without letting your face betray the sadness and frustration that wells up in your heart. Now what's tougher? Having the sensitivity to realise that someone is lonely and the courage to break away from the group to reach out to him.

People are lonely everywhere. It's just the reasons that differ. In a world where hatred and insensitivity are so freely available, why not make a conscious decision to counter it with a little bit of kindness and sensitivity? When everyone else is looking for a reason to put someone down, why not resolve to lift someone up instead? Why not make the world a better place to live in??!!

These three ladies - Varsha, Sheetal and Neha are people I will ever be indebted to. There is no payback option here. After all these are people who are never going to end up in a lonely situation wherein I can give back in equal measure what I got. Hence I am looking for opportunities to pay it forward. If I can reach out to atleast three lonely people, I believe I would have justified the efforts these ladies put in for me. This post is just a thank you note to those three who were thoughtful enough to reach out when it would have been so convenient to stand back and make fun.

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Back To Blogging!

So, how many years has it been? Close to five years since I wrote a blog post.  Going through the older posts written by a younger, crazier, madder version of me, my feelings alternate between "Did I write that well?" to "Oh my God did I write that bad!!". Still I feel jealous of that guy who had an opinion on almost everything and the passion to put it down in a post. Somewhere in between coming to terms with earning money at the cost of everything else in life and constantly searching for a slightly better way of doing the same,  the posts dried up. As the months rolled into years and the gap widened, I feared that unless something earth shattering happened, blogging was done with me. Fortunately for me, MGSIPA happened. Grateful to these three for pulling me out of hibernation and bringing me back to the writing table :

1. Dr.Sanjeev Chadda : Taught me to add masala to my content. Nowadays I add so much masala that the content gets buried somewhere down under! His book reading habits made me realize that  lack of time can never be an acceptable excuse for something you are really passionate about.

2. Sheersh Acharya : His words of appreciation were my primary source of creative motivation.

3. Priyal Garg : The crazy arguments achieved what even repeated readings of Word Power Made Easy couldn't. 

Well then back to blogging!

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SWITCH OFF YOUR HEADLIGHTS!!

Every human is prone to committing mistakes! I always find it easy to identify my peers' mistakes. Many a time i used to think- "Look at the way that guy behaves. Isnt it obvious to him that he is making a mistake?? Why doesnt he realise that??" It took me quite some years to realise that my peers might be having similar thoghts about me. The funny part is that we humans can easily identify and criticise the mistakes of others but when it comes to our own case we are left in the dark!! One fine morning i realised why....

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SEMMOZHIYANA TAMIZH MOZHIYAM??????!!!

I have never had much faith in the Indian government. More so for the Tamilnadu government. In a country known for its multi-party system, Tamilnadu unofficially and inadvertantly follows a two party system with both parties equally hell bent on draining the juice out of Tamilnadu for their own benefit and leaving behind the bagasse for the next party to do the same...

Don't get me wrong. I am not a critic looking for even the smallest opportunity to point a finger at the government. Among the millions who have entirely lost faith in politics, I am one of the very few who still believes that Indian politics still has a chance to redeem itself if only it tries(I know most of you would have started questioning my sanity by now!!). But the publicity gimmick I witnessed recently made me to requestion my beliefs-

The gimmick I am talking about occurred two weeks back.....
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TEMPLE TOWERS,TAMIL CINEMA AND TAMANNA!!

The recent news of cracks in various temples towers culminating in the collapse of the Kalahasthi temple has spewed a set of rumors, speculations, predictions and protests in equal measure. While I myself will side with the protests against the bad maintenance of the temples(not that I care much), I couldn't help noticing the speculations that were doing the rounds. Ask any resolute God fearing layman and he will take you through an endless boring lecture on karma and how man has inculcated the wrath of the Gods. Preposterous as it may seem, I found it to be amusing enough to add my own theory to it. After all its just harmless fun and in case I do hurt the sentiments of a few devoted, God fearing religious people........ well thats what you call an unexpected bonus! :)

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU ARE A RELIGIOUS PERSON LOOKING FOR ACTUAL REASONS AS TO WHY THE TEMPLE TOWER CRACKED..... STOP RIGHT THERE..... WHAT FOLLOWS WOULD BE "PREPOSTEROUS AND HEINOUS" IN YOUR OPINION.....

FOR THE REST OF YOU...................

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BACK TO SQUARE ONE!

Its more than a year since i blogged. Considering the lack of time elapsed and the lack of practice,it comes as no surprise that i am left searching for the right words to use in a sentence. Whatever skills i acquired during my blogging period have gone down the drain and i am left wondering whether the first part of the sentence is grammatically correct!

What could be the reason for my extended vacation from the blog site?

I could save my neck by quoting "WRITER'S BLOCK" but i am not writer enough to suffer from writer's block. The actual reasons are:

1. Complacency

2. Laziness

3. Procrastination

I suffered from all three simultaneously and guess what? I am back to square one!

A space shuttle requires more fuel during the initial part of the journey. Once in orbit the amount of fuel consumed for the rest of the journey put together is less than the fuel consumed during blast off!(Courtesy:THE GREATNESS GUIDE BY ROBIN SHARMA). Similarly whatever new habit you try to inculcate, you will require a lot of will power in the initial stages. And once a habit is broken, you are back to square one(right where i am now!). It took a lot of coaxing from A and quite a lot of procrastination from me before i decided to write this post. I hope the path ahead would be easier and that i will return back to my old and golden days!

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WHY SO STUPID?

JOHN - THE MUSICAL MAESTRO


EVERY DREAM COMES WITH A PRICE TAG!



The topic that i am going to discuss in this post is a redundant one. I have harped on this topic to anyone who has been unfortunate enough to be within listening distance. I myself have had enough of this one. I have decided to put an end to my musings on this particular subject. But i needed one last post where i could express all my displeasures and be done with it. Here it is......

Everything that i want to express has be summed up beautifully in a single quote that i read recently -

It's so hard when i have to, and so easy when i want to!!

I gave up my passion for english and took up a software engineering course because everyone told me that the IT and COMPUTER fields had a lot of scope and prospect!! SCOPE??? PROSPECT??? What does that mean?? To put it bluntly it meant an assured job with a good salary! So i sold my soul to the devil for the sole purpose of the comforts provided by a high paid job. For the past four years i have been living a nightmare, studying subjects that i neither like nor love. I never had any interest in it and hence had to force myself to study. Hence I had to put in double the effort.I never learnt anything from these subjects but i took up a lot of efforts to ensure that i passed all subjects and was eligible for placement. But now.....

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A QUESTION!!

I have got a question that i want to ask all lovers(successful ones) -
('You' refers to both the lovers put together)

You walk hand in hand;
You talk to each other on the phone for endless hours;
You express your love again and again at the drop of a hat;
You hangout at all famous places in the city and empty your father's earnings;
You buy presents for each other almost every other week;
You look into each other's eyes and claim to have discovered the world;
You write really boring poems praising each other's beauty;
For nothing at all You keep your hand on your heart and start feeling;
You order a single ice cream and spend two hours sharing it;
You fight for no reason and then spend the entire week apologising to each other;
You ride together in a bike and then spend sleepless nights wondering whether someone you know might have seen you;
You plan your future to the finest detail(which includes names for your future offsprings);
You begin and end each day with a I Love You message;

Well this is my question:

Is it because that you are in love that you do all these things or
Is it because you want to do all these things that you claim to be in love??

I believe that you people have got nothing to do.... you are so bored with life that you mutually decide to end your boredom by opting to fall in love which provides you with the above choices to keep you entertained! Ya i know what you will cry out: SOUR GRAPES!! Ya maybe that's true! :) But still it doesnt make your love any better!!

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PRAISE IS NOT PRAISEWORTHY!!

Life unfortunately has no guidelines. Neither does it have any purpose on its own. The purpose we believe our life has, is just an assumption. Truthfully speaking we don’t even know why we have been encumbered with this life. Each one of our lives is a mission without a specified target and most of us are reluctant missionaries. We have all been recruited whether we are willing or not…. Since we have not been given a purpose in life, I think the only purpose of each of our lives is to find our own individual purposes in life! To each man his own purpose!! The system of life is really intelligent! But eventually it makes fools out of us. The system works in such a way that whatever a man believes to be his purpose, that eventually becomes his purpose. So initially finding the purpose is the only purpose! As time passes whatever man considers to be worthy of being a purpose, so it becomes. The obvious solution would be to do whatever one loves and eventually one will end up finding his/her purpose in that. Such a purpose will not only keep the person happy but will also help him to attain the highest amount of satisfaction… Very simple eh?? But then all that is simple isn’t easy. And moreover man is never ready to believe in the simple. For him things have to be complicated, puzzling and difficult to find! Anything that is obvious, helpful and readily available loses its value. That’s one of the reasons why gold or diamond is valued a lot more than copper or coal. Just think! What would be diamond’s value if it was found in every other rock. And maybe thats why a girlfriend's love is given more importance than parent's love! When such an atitude prevails, would a person believe you if you tell him that his ultimate conundrum in life – the purpose of his life is as simple as finding what he loves doing most and doing it as best as he can. Life holds its value only as long as it is difficult to understand and is surrounded by an aura of mystic divinity! Life is interesting only as long as it is a puzzle handed down to us by some divine power and life has value only as long as its purpose can be explained in difficult to understand, hi-fi words like –

1. To serve God



2. To find the true meaning of life(why don’t they refer the oxford dictionary???)



3. To realize the power of the divine being who created us and to align our life with this higher power



4. To attain salvation



5. Add any other crap which you hear daily from your parents, teachers and every other human being

What if this in’t the truth?? What if actually we aren’t special beings sent by a divine power to complete his work on earth?? What if the purpose of our life is as simple as doing what we love? Well that’s when we realize that our life isn’t special…. The notion of us being just as normal as any dog in the street and any other animal or insect in the world is too difficult for us to digest! So we end up fooling ourselves and believing in a purpose that is not only overly optimistic but also entirely euphemistic.

What harm you might ask is incurred in having a sense of being special?? A lot I believe! Though every man outwardly propounds a larger than life purpose, inwardly he knows that he has no idea what his real purpose is! Not ready to search for his actual purpose, man invented two substitutes: money and praise! That’s when mankind started its journey to doom. Man lost not only his purpose in life, but lost his life as well to these two substitutes. Man’s greatest weakness is that whenever he is in doubt, he follows the crowd. That’s why we still commit the same mistakes that were committed aeons ago. Atleast once in his lifetime, every man doubts his purpose in life and that’s when his actual purpose gets substitued by praise and money! Life then becomes a business. For everything man did, he expected remuneration. Outwardly money was the reason man worked. But there was a bigger, inner reason… PRAISE!! Money played a major role in determining man’s purpose. But money is actually a disguised form of praise. The money you give a person for his work is actually an indirect indication of the amount of praise you shower on him. And there are things that man does for which he doesn’t expect money in return. Praise is what man looks for in those circumstances. Thus directly or indirectly, praise became man’s only purpose in life. Praise became man’s justification for living on earth. No man is ready to believe that his life just happened by accident. Every man believes that he is special and the praise he receives is his justification for his speciality! So the more praise a person receives the more special he is! Hence praise became the solitary purpose of every person’s life. And the future generations blindly followed their ancestors! (Like my father always says: “If so many of them are doing it, then it ought to be right”!! The fact that humans are mere copycats and that we might as well be copying the mistakes of our ancestors is not taken into consideration!)

Man started evaluating his worth depending on the amount of praise he received. Praise in itself is not bad. Genuine praise when bestowed upon an individual motivates and encourages him to progress further! But there are two spin-offs of praise which are highly destructive and much more widely prevalent than genuine praise -

1. When man receives praise on a constant basis, he gets accustomed to it and becomes addicted. That’s when vanity sets in and man becomes conceited. At this stage man needs needs praise at regular intervals to satisfy his exaggerated feeling of self importance and is ready to do anthing for the sake of praise. Such a man becomes useless, worthless and helpless.



2. Praise when given to genuinely appreciate someone without expecting anything in return helps in motivating the person. But when praise is used as a means, expecting something in return from the other, it becomes flattery! Flattery gets confused with genuine praise and genuine praise gets confused with flattery. In the end, only confusion prevails!

So every person starts searching for (genuine)praise from others and since every other person is doing the same, praise becomes a scarcity. The scarcer it became, the more man coveted it. In the end, man became a monkey doing all sorts of tricks to earn praise from others. The situation became so worse that people started doing what earned them praise and not what they loved. Even when they did what they loved, they expected praise in return. So praise became the primary form of remuneration. You satisfy someone’s need and he will praise you. You be the person your father wants you to be and you earn his praise. Same for mother, relatives, teachers and every other person. To earn their praise, you have to fulfill the standards set by them. In the course of satisfying everyone’s whim and fancy, man lost his individuality. No praise for being yourself!! So individuality was the price man paid for praise!!!

That’s when you realise that Praise isn’t Praiseworthy.

My own experience with praise is the inspiration for this blog. When I started blogging, it was due to the love I had for writing and the pleasure I derived from writing these posts. Unfortunately I wasn’t satisfied with just pleasure. Being the human I am, I too craved for praise. So I sent my blog site address to every person I knew.. ..And waited…. And waited… But others were busy with their own commitments and not many ventured to read my blog. Love for writing wasn’t enough for me. I needed praise as well. Dejected and despondent, I was about to discontinue writing my blog when atlast I got what I wanted. I am grateful to that one person who read every post I read and magnanimously praised me: Archana. Her praise I believe is genuine… no I don’t mean to say that my blog is worthy of praise. Archana has got nothing to gain from me through flattery and hence I believe the praise has to be genuine. Genuine praise instills confidence and motivates…. Her praise was what kept me writing and helped me to persevere through the lean phases. But unfortunately I fell prey to praise and became conceited. My blog writing centered around one remuneration: Archana’s praise. As far as it was readily available, it was fine. Only during the absence of it did I realize how much I had become accustomed to praise. Until I received the praise I desired, I couldn’t think of anything else. That’s when I realized that my love for writing has been replaced by my craving for praise. That’s when I realized that praise isn’t praiseworthy. In small amounts, it encourages you and keeps you going, but when you get accustomed to it, you become worse than a drug addict. I hope my awareness has helped me to break the addiction and hopefully I will again start writing for the love of it!!

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A NIGHTMARE!! OR IS IT A DREAM??

I love daydreaming. It is by all means the best antidote available for a boring lecture. All that you have to do is wait till the teacher has finished taking attendance. Sit back. Let your eyes glaze over and wow!! 50 minutes of fantasy! Described below is one such fantasy that I had the privilege of experiencing recently. Initially it appeared to be a nightmare. But only later did I realize that it was actually mixture of a nightmare and a dream........

NIGHTMARE:

Following the initial bank crashes in America, more banks follow suit. All American banks close down. American economy totally crumbles. American dollar is no more. All investors lose their savings. When money has lost its meaning, what is the use of a bank account?? Total jeopardy ensues!! Well when Uncle Sam himself is penniless, would the nephews be far behind?? The reverberations of the American catastrophe are felt world wide resulting in the greatest economy crash ever. All currencies become useless... No banks.... No companies... No jobs.... The world comes to a standstill....
Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink!! Irony!! Every affordable commodity is available. But how are the people going to afford it?? All doors are there.. But the people have lost their key: MONEY! People become helpless!! Frustration!! Depression!! No people are experiencing something more than that. Even the gravest word in the English vocabulary would appear to be a euphemism when compared to the actual emotion felt by the people. Just imagine! Generations over generations of the human race have spent their entire lives, toiling day and night to earn money. And overnight it becomes worthless!! Just printed paper!! Till now families have been split, people have committed suicide, men have been murdered , dreams have been shattered, conspiracies have been hatched and every possible act on earth had been committed for the sake of just one bloody thing: Money(or rather the lack of it!!). Looking back everything appears meaningless now. Maybe we should revive Shakespeare from his grave. We need a new word to describe the plight of the humans and considering the graveness of the situation, he alone appears capable of coining a suitable word!! There is widespread mayhem everywhere! It appears as if God decided to have some fun and pulled out the axis on which the entire human race had been revolving!

THE NIGHTMARE ENDS HERE! THE BEST PART IS YET TO COME………..

THE DREAM:
There is no work to pursue, no bills to be paid, no money to be counted, no accounts to be kept……. In short humans are left with nothing to worry about, nothing to feel happy about and nothing to quarrel about. For the first time in the history of human civilization(since the invention of money), man has been left with nothing to do and hence is left with a lot of time to ponder. Not used to being idle, every person uses the free time to ponder over the current situation. Finally every logical man comes to the same conclusion:
The second greatest sin committed by man is the invention of money.(The first one was obviously committed by Adam and Eve) By inventing money, man had tried to simulate God – an omnipotent being which can accomplish any damn thing under the sun and which is respected ,feared, coveted and safe-guarded by every human! But it had turned out to be the devil in disguise. Money had corrupted human minds – it had created dynasties, destroyed them and had created nasty dynasties as well!! Man’s love for himself and his fellow beings had been replaced by man’s love for money. Money divided humans and brought about the concept of partiality! Money ensured that unequal treatment was meted out to the humans. The rich started looking down upon the poor. Education, food, homes, jobs…. All services were now provided based on the emerging God:Money! Naturally the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. A child born in a poor family realized that more than the loss of arms(or legs) or any other handicap, there is one handicap that is the most difficult to overcome: lack of money! Eventually money became the only indication of success and naturally everyone started realigning their dreams and aspirations to suit the current situation: earning money! Hence people gave up what they loved and took up whatever job promised the highest remuneration! Inevitably corruption set in. When you are doing a job for the sake of money(and not because you love the job) and all you want is money(by hook or crook), corruption is inevitable!! In short, money raped its way through the human civilizations creating offsprings such as hatred, corruption,jealousy,envy and many other evils that humans had never even heard of before.
Today though money eventually got the punishment it deserved. But the damage has already been done. How many ever murders a murderer commits, he can be hanged only once! Money has murdered the human spirit, the passion for life, love , comradeship!! Thinking back though it isn’t just money that is to be blamed. Man has an equal share in the blame! Money is like God. You believe in it as a means to further your innermost desires, you create successes. But when you madly believe in it, you create communal riots. Man did the latter!!
Now every man decides its high time to make amendments. In each aregion, a list of people and their passions are noted(Qualifications, job experience and certificates are not necessary. All that is required is love! Passion for doing something!) Each person does what he loves and the output of his play(when you do something for the love of it, its no more a work!) is happily shared with others! Since each man’s interest is varied, as a whole they end up supplementing each other! No money! No wages! No price! When you do what you love, remuneration becomes unnecessary! All that you would be concerned with is doing your job perfectly!! Hence no corruption! No bank accounts! After all that happened only a fool would save something for the future!

Motto: Use all that you need! Give away the surplus!! Carpe Diem!!

Share markets though would still continue to function! No there won’t be a sensex and you wont be dealing with money. It would be a market where you share your surplus resources with others! A place where you give without expecting anything in return! That’s true love!

That’s when it won’t be necessary to die to go to heaven! Heaven will be right here on earth!!!

I was suddenly aware of two large eyes very close to my face!! Teacher!! Back to reality!! I was thrown out of the class with the parting words: “Unless you work hard, your dreams will never come true!” That’s pretty funny!! It would be better the other way round!! If ever my dreams come true, there will be no need for me to work!! I will just need to play!! I will have fun being an author!! I wont become a boring software engineer working for money!! But then will it come true?? Considering the current economic crisis, the nightmare seems inevitable…. But the dream?? About people doing what they love….. And me being an author!! Well both of them appear to be far fetched....

Unfortunately Man never learns from his mistakes!! As and when one form of money loses its value, Man will keep reinventing money in other forms(and his troubles too!!). And what about me?? I will be forced to become a software engineer writing boring programs for the sake of money and I will have to resort to writing such blogs in my free time to satisfy my desires of becoming an author!! :(

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MARRIAGES(DAMAGES)!!!

There are many practices in our life that are so taken for granted that we never think twice about why we follow them or is it really necessary to follow them. In this blog let us take a deeper look at one such practice- Marriage.

What must have been the actual reason for marriage becoming a practice? A man and a woman must have really fallen in love with each other that they don’t want to spend even a minute without each other. So they end up living and settling together. As a sign of love and to exhibit their solidarity to the world, they must have invented the practice of marriage. But the problem with these old time practices is that as time passes the real reason behind the practice is forgotten and only the practice remains. Maybe someone saw this couple (who really love each other) living happily together after marriage and came to the wrong conclusion that marriages are a means to become happy. Well the problem starts here. Man doesn’t realize that happiness is inborn and cannot be obtained by external means. So man ends up searching for it outside and is ready to blindly try out any practice that appears to hold even the smallest possibility of providing happiness! So marriage ends up being advertised as the panacea for man’s woes. A happily married couple is the genuine advertiser. What about the unhappily married couples?? They advertise all the more as they find a sadistic pleasure in making sure that the rest of us commit the same mistake so that they won’t be the only fools!! So in the end marriage has become a practice that is followed by everyone. The real reason people (exception: couples really in love) marry:

1. In India, marriage is the license to have sex! True! And that’s the main reason many marry!!(Foolish people!! See end of post for better ideas!!)


2. The individuals don’t want to appear queer. They don’t want to be left out. So they follow the crowd. Humans are actually sheep in human clothing. We haven’t got the courage to be different! And the fear that they might be missing out on something worthwhile adds fuel to the fire!


3. The individuals are so bored with themselves that they decide that another person in their life could only be an improvement. The more the merrier they say! Unfortunately realization comes a little too late. These people realize that if life is boring as an individual, life is both boring and irritating as a couple!!


4. This is the best one. The married couples can’t stand the freedom enjoyed by the individuals. After all it’s a stark reminder of the grave mistake that they have committed. So outside their homes, these couples put up a great show of really being happy together. The fickle minded individuals fall prey to this act.


5. For the maverick individuals the couples have got a better idea. The couples come together to form what we call the society and collectively blame the individuals of not being beautiful/handsome enough or not being worthy of marriage. They go to the extent of blaming the individuals to be impotent and it eventually works! (After all unity is strength and no one can withstand an insult on his/her manliness/womanliness).
   

Marriages in foreign countries are any day better than those in traditional India! The first time I read a Sidney Sheldon book, I was visibly alarmed. A couple spends many nights together and then suddenly one day the man proposes!! Shouldn’t it be the other way round??? But then I realized that the foreigners are clever. The couples ensure that they are at least sexually compatible before they decide to marry!! Can’t blame them. It solves one major problem. The number of divorces in foreign countries is by no means a valuable argument to prove that Indian marriages are better. Foreigners have atleast got the courage to accept that they have made a mistake by marrying and are ready to make amendments. Take the Indian scenario! An unknown man married to an unknown woman. Marriage doesn’t work. Not enough courage to break up. Within the house they either fight like cats or don’t even talk to each other. When they venture outside, husband and wife- arm in arm and with a pasted smile on their face… Oh darling!!(Oh damn it!). For the sake of the society and to save face, the amount of effort these people take!! They end up wasting their whole lives living in hell!! Incidentally “Marriages are made in heaven” is the cliché used by many. Well maybe that’s why they don’t suit people on earth!!!

Frankly speaking sex is the only thing that appeals to me in an arranged marriage! And I feel marriage is too big a price to pay for that. I might as well follow celibacy or (if I am bad enough) there are more appealing ways to satisfy my desires!! :)

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The Dilapidated House!

One of my favorite pastimes is walking. I along with have Murali have roamed the streets of vellore, our favorite ones being those of Gandhi Nagar East. On one such occasion, we came across a dilapidated house. This house was surrounded by a wall fence which ended in a locked gate at the front of the house. But the walls had fallen down and only the gate still stood the test of time. Got me thinking…. It was queer… It was strange… and then realization struck…. It was philosophical…. This dilapidated house is symbolic of our human lives. That gate is our need for security in this ever changing and unpredictable life… But unfortunately by trying to lock out the world, we end up locking ourselves in!! And just like the ruined house, life eventually gets in….. We lock in our treasures; lock in our prized possessions…. But all we end up locking is the gate… which is meaningless as Death gets in through the wall… and there can be no stopping it…. So maybe we should let go….. open up and let the world in…. no use guarding the gate when there are no walls…… no use hoarding up your possessions and hoping life to be permanent when we know that transience is what life is all about … so lets open our hearts and let life in… Let us let death in through the gate with a smiling face and a happy heart!! Read More!

Puppy Love!!

I have never had a pet in my life..... Thanks to my parents.. They feel that bringing me up is in itself a tough task!(I dont blame them!) So the observations and interpretations in this blog are purely from an outsider's point of view and the inspiration for this blog can be zeroed down to my elder sister Nivedhitha Devi(she loves dogs) and two pups: Scooby and Max(belonging to my friends Terror and Police respectively)
I always used to wonder why there existed such a close relationship between humans and dogs.. Nowadays human-dog relationships are far more stronger than human-human relationships! On first thought i couldnt really comprehend the reason for this man-animal relationship. But if you delve deeper,there lies an interesting lesson. Dogs are the embodiment of unconditional love. Man's greatest fear is rejection and in this context by rejection i refer to unreciprocated love. I have spent sleepless nights worrying about my love being unreciprocated. Not just from my girlfriend. Consider this scenario: I am reading a book. My Father:"Karthik I love you"! My typical reaction would be:"Father are you alright? Any problem?" Typical human behaviour. Dogs reciprocate your love faithfully and unconditionally. They dont ask for love. They are always ready to give. And you might doubt your father's,mother's,sister's,wife's love. But you never doubt a dog's love.. its always there.. happen what may.... you fail an exam,it still loves you..... you go broke... it still loves you... UNCONDITIONAL LOVE..... Thats what we humans fail to nurture! Imagine this: Twilight time - your pet dog sleeping on your lap... Ah thats bliss! Beats even a date with your lover hands down! Apart from all this one prominent attribute that makes a dog a far better companion than a human:

A dog wags its tail while a human wags his tongue!!!

Isnt that reason enough??? Maybe thats why DOG is a reversal of GOD. If love is what GOD is,then maybe DOGS are the reincarnations of GOD(Hindus stop looking any further! You have got your tenth avatar KALKI!). Maybe they made a mistake in english when they defined PUPPY LOVE as the temporary love of an adolescent. A puppy's love appears to be the only permanent form of love! And dog isnt just man's best friend. It is man's best lover as well!!!

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