LDCE FAIL!

As an ASO from the godforsaken 2014 batch, I have successfully failed to clear LDCE 2019-20 as well as LDCE 2021-22. With a bright chance of having failed in LDCE-2023 as well (unable to check my results as I have misplaced my hall ticket), these are the thoughts that helped me to come to terms with my failures: 

• It's ok to fail. The exams were held under extraordinary circumstances - short notification period, hardly any vacancies, exams of various years held over a period of weeks. Even otherwise, these exams are designed in such a  way that a large number of equally competent candidates compete for a very limited number of vacancies. It was inevitable that most of us would fail! This failure is in no way a reflection of your intelligence or competence. Move on.

• Promotions don’t deliver eternal bliss. A SO in my Ministry (presently awaiting US promotion) is blessed with everything that has eluded us - coverage under the old pension scheme and timely promotion. Surprisingly, he is just as disappointed and frustrated with his job and life as most of us are. Once the novelty of the promotion/ monetary benefit wears off, the level of happiness tends to revert to a standard baseline. Alternatively, in an industry where promotions are far and few in between, a life that's dependent on promotions to deliver happiness is a recipe for prolonged misery. Celebrate every MACP, every increment, every DA hike, every salary, every transfer and also everything in between!

• In a life so short and uncertain, our obsession with whether we would retire as a Deputy Secretary or Under Secretary is ironic. If at all worry, worry over - 

- Whether you would even live long enough to retire

- The futility of a life spent fretting over trivialities like job titles   

• What hurts more than the failure is having to tolerate superiors blow their own trumpets under the garb of ‘well meaning’ advice. But then, these are people who have watched technology and time pass them by and their detailed narratives on how they cleared these exams is just a feeble attempt by them to salvage their dignity. Indulge them, if not out of sympathy, then with the knowledge that it won’t be long before we end up in a similar situation. 

• By default, our self esteem is associated with our career progression and pay check, as these are visibly quantifiable. We believe that our self worth is determined by the number of subordinates reporting to us and the number of zeros in our paycheck. But we are more likely to gain respect and admiration from others through kindness and humility than through subordination and ostentatiousness. (Credits: Morgan Housel’s ‘Psychology of Money’).  

• Failure shatters long held identities and liberates you from societal expectations. Now that you have failed spectacularly, you are no more under an obligation to live up to the identity of an academic topper with a perfect score. Sideline your career and indulge in activities that had been long put off due to fear of failure - write a blog, start a you tube channel, become a travel vlogger. You can’t fail any worse and end of the day, no one really cares! 

• When life gets overwhelming, you need a bit of philosophy to detach yourself from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, step back and laugh at the absurdity of taking life so seriously. I will leave you with a quote from Naval Ravikant that works for me every single time - 

You are going to die one day and none of this is going to matter. So enjoy yourself. Do something positive. Project some love. Make someone happy. Laugh a little bit. Appreciate the moment. And do your work.

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